I just want any followers to know that I haven't quit writing, but am limited to computer time as I have a neck/shoulder injury that keeps me from typing comfortably. I keep thinking of stories that I want to add to my blog, but know that I just can't for now. I will be reading yours however! :) XOXOXO

Whichever Way the Wind Blows~

Just a quick story that happened the other day....

I was doing my usual jog on the bike path, and stopped for a drink at the drinking fountain, so graciously provided by a service group in the village. I was really hot, thirsty, and that water was looking good! There was a strong wind blowing, which was nice for cooling off, but when I turned the fountain on, the force of the wind coming against the water arc blew it backwards, making it really difficult to get a good drink.

I was a little exasperated until I figured out that if I leaned way forward and turned my back to the wind, it blocked it enough to allow the water to come out as it should, and that way I could actually get a decent drink. As water quenched my parched mouth and throat, I began to think about the parallel of the Lord Jesus being the Water of Life, as He described Himself to the woman at the well.

You know, I understand that, because Jesus has quenched my spiritual thirst in a way that nothing else ever could. But, He doesn't force Himself down my throat, so to speak. In order to benefit from the Water of Life, I have to make the decision to drink, and beyond that, to block the obstructions that so readily get in my way. There are any number of things that change the direction that I need to take in order to fully imbibe the life of Christ. Busyness, a desire to do things that are more entertaining, distractions from family or friends-all of these things seem to change the direction of that life-giving water, and if I don't position myself correctly by closing them off, I am unable to receive from Him.

Just a reminder to myself that while Jesus gives me all that I need, it's my responsibility to take it in (or to block the wind) in order to partake of His daily gifts of sustenance.

First things first

My American Eagle necklace

I should know that when I ask the Lord to take over my day and show me HIS agenda, that He is most definitely not going to miss an opportunity to do just that, especially since He must get a tad annoyed when I stick to my own so often without even thinking of asking Him how he wants me to spend the hours and minutes in my day.

Today, after having been away on vacation for a week, I felt a compulsive need to clean the entire house. In fact, after getting home over the weekend, I could hardly wait for Monday to get here so that I could get going! During my quiet time this morning, I did give the Lord permission to plan my day, but was pretty darn sure that He wanted my house clean as much as I did, so wasn't too worried about a change in plans. While zipping from room to room collecting trash, stripping beds, etc., I saw a pile of dress shirts still in their wrappers that I had brought home from the mall for my hubby. I HATE getting those shirts out of their wrappers, unpinning the zillions of pins that they use to secure the shirt (why is that???), unbuttoning the buttons over and around the tags that are twisted by string around said buttons, and then finding yet more cardboard in the neck, body, etc. that I thought I had already removed. I was hoping that Bob would unwrap those suckers over the weekend, but nope, there they were. Then I also noticed the new pants that I had bought him that needed to be hemmed before he can wear them. Can I tell you that I like hemming pants to about the same degree that I enjoy going through a root canal? Not to mention that I saw several clean shirts hanging by the wardrobe that needed to be ironed.

But, there was the still small voice in my mind that reminded me that I should be putting first things first, which in this case would be getting Bob's wardrobe in order ASAP so that he would be able to wear his new clothes. Sigh. Double big sigh.

Before finishing this story, I need to take you back lots of years to a time when we had returned home from vacation, and I realized that we were out of dog food. I ran to the store and bought several cans of whatever it was that our schnauzer, Bogey, was consuming at the time. I opened the first can, and to my disgust, it was filled with a blue bag of what looked to be gel of some sort. I was so ticked, and rushed downstairs to find Bob and spout off about the fact that no one did their job right anymore, as evidenced right here with this particular can of dog food. Now Bob, being the investigative type, immediately pulled out the bag of gel, and wrapped up inside was *gasp* a beautiful mint edition American Eagle gold coin! Me, who never wins anything, winning a very valuable coin in a can of dog food of all things! Long story short, my in-laws had given me a lovely gold chain and so after fitting the coin in a bezel, it became my favorite necklace. It did cause a dilemma for me, as I had a nice cross that I often wore, and when I wore the coin instead, I always was a little apprehensive that I was choosing mammon over the Lord. :) But, that didn't stop me from wearing it anyway.

Last year, I was switching over jewelry from my old box to a new one, and realized that my coin necklace was nowhere to be found. I hunted high and low, as did Bob, but no necklace anywhere. We scratched our heads, puzzled it over together, and looked again, but it had just disappeared! I was sad, but decided that somehow it had been misplaced and hopefully I would find it again one day.

Back to the main story. As I finished up hemming pants, unwrapping shirts, and then ironing ones that were already clean, I was getting ready to close up our ironing board into the space where it is recessed into the wall. Catching a glimpse of something shiny laying on a little ledge at the bottom of the recession, I peeked down under the board to see what it was. You know, don't you? Yep, there it was in all its shiny glory...my coin necklace!!! After calling Bob to whoop it up with him, I realized something. By putting first things first, that is, keeping my priorities of serving others before myself, God had given me the most wonderful reward!

Now we all know that every time we step out in service to others we don't get tangible rewards. But this weekend I had been thinking a lot about how important it is to let our husbands know that we treasure them and that they are first in our hearts when it comes to human relationships, even before our kids. So it doesn't surprise me that God grabbed this opportunity to show me that He does, indeed, desire for me to treat my guy as though he is the most valuable gift from the Lord to me. And the reward is even better than finding something materially valuable that has been lost. The reward is that you keep something of eternal value from ever becoming lost, that is, your relationship with your husband, who is your special gift from the Lord. Everyone in agreement, say Amen!!!

What to do when you don't know what to do...

I always pick a scripture for each member of my family, including myself, at the beginning of the new year. I then make a laminated prayer card with a picture of each member and their scripture so that I can pray for them regularly. This year, the scripture that I picked for myself is:
"Wait for the Lord, and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land." ~Ps. 37:34
I love this verse for me at this point in my life, because I am one of those persons who feels validated by accomplishing things that are measurable, and right now, that is just not happening. At least in the way of Christian Service and Ministry. Notice that I capitalized those words, mainly because in my mind, and in the minds of many others, those words define ways that we serve the Lord that are obvious, and as I said already, measurable. As in:
~Today I had a prayer team meeting and we were able to set lots of goals for the year.
~Today I helped to serve dinner at Water's Edge Outreach to lots of hungry boys and girls.
~Today I taught a Bible study to many women who are eager to learn from God's Word.

Am I being clear here about what I mean as far as serving the Lord by wearing lots of hats in Christian Service and Ministry? I love those labels such as "Prayer Team Leader" or "Director of College Ministries" or "Titus 2 Women's Ministry Leader". The reason I love them is because they give me a real sense of what I am accomplishing and I can check off of my "to do for the Lord" list any number of things that look substantive.

The only problem is, there are times in my life (and yours) when I am not able for any number of reasons to rack up points in the "Service for the Lord" column in those ways. And when that happens, I struggle with a sense of worth and value in my own eyes, although I know that isn't right. At this point in time, I feel strongly that the Lord is urging me to stay in a quiet place of availability for those who might need me, primarily family and friends, for any number of reasons. To avoid getting involved in anything that requires my time and attention on a scheduled basis so that I am free to help out wherever I'm needed. Also, free to take more time in sitting at His feet (which I'm having a hard time doing, because I am a DO-ER, not a SITTER), and praying, and meditating.

I went for several months trying to figure out what I should be doing in the way of ministry since I had experienced a change in my circumstances that had closed several doors. Rather than jump into the first, or second, or even third thing that came along, I decided to just wait and pray and see what the Lord might want me to do for Him, rather than me telling Him what I ought to be doing. I claimed that verse from the Psalms, and am feeling better all the time about having waited rather than jumping into any number of things with both feet. A Christian Service and Ministry opportunity just arose recently with the local MOPS group that I am very excited about, and I am so glad that I am able to say yes because I have the time available to do so.

So when you're not sure what you should be doing to serve the Lord, remember that every part of your life can be a service to Him. Folding laundry, writing notes of encouragement to someone who might need it, ironing shirts for your husband, playing in the park with your kids, sitting at the Lord's feet in prayer or just in listening mode, all these are things that are sacrifices of love that the Lord receives as an offering poured out before Him. Just wait, and He will open the doors. If you open them yourself and get ahead of Him, you just might run into some brick walls, and that's a lot more painful than sitting and waiting.

One Thing!

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I needed to make a few lifestyle changes, but also knew that they would need to be simple and easy. I am getting to the point, sadly, where it is very hard to teach an old dog new tricks, as we old dogs have tried most of them already and rarely have they become daily habits.

I am a fairly disciplined gal, but find that I often start "something" and then life gets in the way, and since it hasn't become part of my routine to the extent that I do it without even thinking (like brushing my teeth, taking my vitamins, etc.), that "something" just disappears into oblivion. So, having prayed recently for help with some new healthy endeavors, I came up with the idea of adding to or tweaking my normal fitness steps by making a list of "One Things" that I could do on a daily basis. These "One Things" would have to be uncomplicated, quick, easy to remember, and fit into any part of my day. They would need to be in addition to the disciplines that I already do regularly, which are an hour of walking or jogging, a time of devotion and worship, and then just the normal daily chores that go along with keeping a home and family in good running order.

So, here is the list of "One Things" that I came up with, and that I can recite without looking at my cheat sheet that is on my counter to remind me just in case I forget~

ONE set of sit-ups
ONE dose of fruits and veggies (5-6 servings)
ONE serving of water for cleansing and hydrating (6-8oz. glass 8X per day)
ONE apple
ONE playtime of @15 minutes with the doggies

Remember, this is in addition to the normal walking workout and the attempts to eat in a healthy manner every day.

I have been doing pretty well with following through on each one, but if I miss one, I generally have done the others, so at least I'm hitting about 90%. I figure that if I do these things regularly, they will become habit forming.

I'll let you know how I'm doing after a few more weeks. Are there some simple "One Things" that you could incorporate into your day that might add up to some major changes in your life? Let me know what you think!

"...one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 3:13-14

Perfect Timing...When God keeps me waiting

Yesterday I decided to go on a long walk because the day was gorgeous, spring in all its glory was popping out all over the place, and I was tired of sitting still! I headed out the door, checked in with my hubby who was fooling around with his small plane at the airport, and we agreed that he would meet me later and pick me up so that I could take a long walk in the same direction and not have to loop back.

The views were just stunning on every stretch of my hike. This particular spring seems to have sprung from the perfect combination of temperatures, moisture, snow cover and whatever else it takes to make the kind of profusion of blossoms on trees and flowers that we are experiencing this year. I just couldn't take it all in as I would have liked. I wanted to see every single tree, every single view, every single flower and not miss one single thing. There was actually an ache in my heart as I realized how limited my vision is, and how brief this season of the year appears to be to color-starved eyes like mine. Even so, I was savoring to the max the visuals and the sounds and smells, and loving every minute of my walk. I was breathing praises of thanksgiving to the Lord for legs that still work, arms that still swing, eyes that still see, and other senses that work just fine and dandy at this point in my life.

And then, after completing a good part of the distance that I had planned to walk, a little hunger pang set in, which I dismissed for the moment. Then a sense that maybe I was going to need a bathroom stop before long started to poke its way into my conscious thoughts. I made a quick call to Bob, and he didn't pick up, but I knew he would call me back before long, so didn't worry.
Sure enough, he came through, and we agreed to meet in a "little bit", with him coming for me by heading in my direction from the opposite way. He would see me, stop, and I would hop in.

I walked, I walked some more, and became increasingly aware that I was having a major low blood sugar issue beginning to rear its ugly head. The need for a bathroom wasn't helping much either, and I started to check my watch every couple of minutes. Where was he? Hadn't he said he would be here soon? His "soon" was different than my "soon", obviously. I debated eating a stale granola bar in my fanny pack (yes, you younger readers, I DO use a fanny pack and I wouldn't be without it, so make fun of me all you want!). But Bob and I were going to dinner at one of my favorite spots, and I didn't want to ruin my appetite with this lousy little bar.

So, I started praying that God would show me His definition of being on time, rather than mine. I prayed that He would show me His perfect timing for me through this example of Bob coming to the rescue at the perfect moment. It seems that I have been waiting for an awful lot of things lately through prayer and hoping for answers that just haven't appeared as yet. So, I asked God to teach me a lesson about waiting and expecting Him to come through in what He knows to be the perfect time, not in what I consider it to be.

Every time I would approach a new intersection, I would eagerly look for his car to pull in just as I got there. Nope, just not happening. Over and over again I was disappointed as I would cross a spot that would have been a great place for him to pull over and pick me up. Getting hungrier and hungrier and grouchier and grouchier, I tried calling him again, but it went right to voicemail, of course. Just like my prayers seem to do sometimes. I was nearly out of sidewalk, and was going to have to turn around, but I knew I was going to have to eat that dumb bar if I was to keep walking. Sigh. I pulled it out with distaste, began to tear the wrapper, when the phone rang! It was Bob, and he came through just in the nick of time! He was just a minute or two away, so I happily tucked the bar back into the pack, and waited for that last minute knowing that all was going to be well. After pulling alongside and picking me up, I refrained from any comments except that I was hungry and needed to eat now!! We then headed to town for my favorite fast food in Granville, Greek Eats, and I have to say I may never have enjoyed a gyro as much as I did at that moment.

Always overwhelmed, always surprised, always grateful when I experience God's rescue, often in the nick of time. Which is always just perfect (in hindsight, of course.)

"We have waited for You eagerly; Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our hearts." ~Isaiah 26:8

From God, with Love

I was reminded recently of how much I need to remember that all things that come into my life are from God's providing and gracious hands. I especially like to think of that in terms of the "good" things that come, even though I know that He allows not so good things as well.

The reminder came through something that Brooke, my 2 year old granddaughter brought to my attention. I had commented to her that I liked the sweater that she was wearing. She promptly pointed to the sweater, then to me, and said "Mimi". That's the name that the kiddos call me, and knowing that Brooke is a girl of few (very few) words, I had to stop and think of what she meant. The "Aha!" moment came when I recalled that her mommy had told me that almost everything she puts on, she attributes to having been a gift from "Mimi". I do buy the kid a lot, I confess, because...well, just because! The fact that she recalls which things come from me is pretty amazing, though, considering the size of her wardrobe.

This gentle nudge from the Lord was enough to cause me to "Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow", as I right away made the connection with the importance of my recognition of all that God has given to me, and then the telling of it. "I love your haircut, Mary": "God". (He gave me the money to pay for it)...... "Just love your house, Mary": "God". (He found it for us and then provided the means to buy it)......"You're a good writer, Mary": "God". (He inspires me and then gives me the words to say) And on and on it goes.

Now the things that you DON'T like about me, well, they're not His fault. Just because He gives doesn't mean I always receive with the right spirit or attitude. So, just pray for me. I want every blessing from Heaven to be something that causes onlookers to give the glory to the One who sent it.

"Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow." ~James 1:17

Eternity

I have been thinking a lot about what lies beyond our material world during this past year. In October, I travelled with friends to Billy Graham's Training Center at the Cove (http://www.thecove.org/) for a seminar on the Second Coming of Christ. I just re-read that last part of the sentence and realized how nonchalantly I had typed in those words...Second Coming of Christ. Ho Hum. Then I thought again, and remembered how deeply convicted and excited and challenged I was during and after that intense time of study, led by 4 different pastors!!! I wasn't sure when we left that we would even get home before Jesus called us up into the heavens in order to return with Him during that Second Coming! It was that real during our time together at the Cove.

I don't know if your theology and mine on that topic are in sync, but that's not really an issue. I have strong beliefs based on studies that I have done, and those reading this probably have too. It's not important to all be on the same page as to the how and the when, but it is vital that we believe that Jesus is coming back. The entire Bible refers to that event either specifically, or by implication throughout both the Old and New Testaments, and one huge thing that really irks me about Christiams is when I hear them say that it really isn't all that relevant in today's world...that what's really needed is to live each day to the fullest and make sure that our life here counts for the kingdom. Hello!!!! Have you ever stopped to think about how much of the Bible is prophetic and how many warnings there are about being ready for the return of the King to the planet?? And of how that knowledge should be motivating us to good works here and now? I, for one, had sort of forgotten all of that until I was jolted severely back to reality by the teachings that I heard at the Cove in October.

On top of that, several people that I have known have died in the Lord in the past few months, as well as some who weren't believers, and if that doesn't make you stop and evaluate whether you are spending any time planning for eternity, I don't know what will.

A couple of specific things have popped into my life recently to remind me of how thin the veil between this life and the next really is ~first, I picked up a little book, written in 1977, at a Travel Center on my way home from Naples a couple of weeks ago. Its title is: "My Glimpse of Eternity" by Betty Malz. Betty was a young wife and mother at the age of 27, who became seriously ill, and after several months of hospitalization, actually died and "stayed dead" for 28 minutes or so. Her story is amazing, and very biblical as well as Christ honoring, as so many of those life after death sagas are not. I read it without putting it down in a couple of hours, and as soon as I got home, I ordered several more to give away to friends. (http://www.barnesandnoble.com/). I highly encourage you to order a copy (or several) to help stir you to action in order to prepare for your eternal life as much as you are working to keep this present life on track.

A second item came as a recommendation from my friend Beth. Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD released in Nov. called "Beauty will Rise", chronicles the spiritual journey of Steven and his family following the tragic accidental death of their small daughter a couple of years ago. I downloaded it from itunes, and listened to it in one sitting. Warning: you will need a lot of Kleenex. Again, how thin the veil......

We have been invited as a couple to a small group beginning in a couple of weeks that will focus on studying a book "One Month to Live". I am really happy about the chance to do this together with friends, since I have heard that the point of the book is to put yourself in the frame of mind that you have been given one month to live, and what your course of action might be as a result of that knowledge.

I don't believe in coincidences, so I have to believe that there is a reason that God is jogging my consciousness in so many ways about the subject of eternity. I'm not afraid, or skittish, or even slightly nervous as to what that purpose might be. For all any of us know, our next trip out the door could be our last, so I won't allow myself to fret about when, where or how that might occur. And after reading Betty Malz's story, I'm actually eager (not in a hurry, but eager) for the moment when I step through that veil and into the true reality, of which my life here is a pale imitation, and I'll get to see Jesus face to face!!!

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Cor. 13:12

On Faith, Knitting, and the unravelling of both...

I have been knitting a sweater for my nearly 2 year old granddaughter, Brooke, for her upcoming birthday. I bought a very special yarn, brand new turbo needles, spent a good deal of cash, and couldn't wait to get started. The pattern looked simple, and after creating what I consider to be my masterpiece in the way of a very complicated dress for her birthday last year, I had no worries that this would be a piece of cake. Mistake number one.

Number two was that since it seemed so simple, I knitted the majority of the body while watching favorite TV shows, AND chatting with my sister whom I was visiting in Florida. Have I ever mentioned that I can't even talk on the phone and walk at the same time? Totally true. If I'm taking a walk, say on the bikepath, and my phone rings and I take the call, I have to sit down beside the path because I just can't do both at the same time. Used to be able to, but no more. My feet quit moving when my mouth starts going, and vice versa. Forget multi-tasking, I can't even double task!

So-o-o-o-, I was getting very excited as I finished the main body of the sweater last night, because all that was left were the sleeves and attaching the very darling buttons that I had spent at least an hour choosing so that they would be just perfect.

Imagine my dismay, even my horror if truth be told, when putting the two fronts of the cardigan together and finding that one side was a full inch shorter than the other! Somehow, somewhere, in between NCIS, or 24, or American Idol (I know, I know, shame on me), I dropped a few stitches, or maybe even added more than I should have, and voila, total mismatch.

After sitting there for about 5 minutes paralyzed by the knowledge of what I had to do, and desperately racking my brain for another solution, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started to unravel...and unravel...and unravel. Needless to say, the sweater isn't going to be finished before her birthday this weekend. Sigh. But, within a few minutes of finishing the unravelling, I began casting on stitches once again, determined to do it right this time. Don't know when I'll get it done, don't really care. But I will get it done, and darn it, she will look absolutely darling in it when I do.

The spiritual application came to me when I least expected it. I was pouring out my heart to my dear hubby last night about my disappointment that the Lord had not only allowed my friend to die, but that in the process He had seemingly negated completely the confidence that she had in the verses from scripture that she had held onto for dear life these past few years that gave her assurance that she still had a lot of living to do. I had that same confidence, as I believed that for her, as has happened for me many times, special verses from the Bible become "rhema" to our hearts, convincing us that not only is God's Word true in a general sense, but that He often speaks to us specific words of encouragement that give us a sense of the direction that He is taking us. I thought, and she thought, and many others thought as well, that God was going to keep her going for a lot longer than He did.

So, not only was I struggling with the loss of Gretchen, but as I talked over all my heartache with Bob, I realized that I was struggling with the fact that I thought I had a pattern of understanding God's ways that kept my faith strong, and that as a result of this event, what I thought I had learned didn't match up with what appeared to have happened. Then a picture of the little sweater for Brooke popped into my mind, and as I replayed the unravelling process, realized that I have some unravelling to do in my thinking as well.

I need to clarify that I don't see this as an undoing of my faith, but instead, an undoing of thought patterns that I have developed that are my attempts to keep life's events neat and orderly and understandable. I think God is showing me that, like Job, I thought I had a lot of things figured out, and now I realize that I don't know what I think. And like Job, I think I will put my hands over my mouth and sit down and say "Once I have spoken, and I will not answer; even twice, and I will add no more."

Many of my thoughts and ideas seem to be laying on the floor like a pile of unwound yarn, but I am going to begin again, casting on new thoughts gained by new insights that I have no doubt that the Lord will give me as I seek His face and search His word. Maybe in a few years the product of my faith more nearly will match the truth from God's perspective, and not mine. One thing I know, and that is that I don't know very much at all. But I do know God, and He knows everything. And that's enough to get me back up on my feet and moving once again. (But not when I'm talking on the phone).

A (very glittery new) star (in heaven) is born...

I've been on vacation for a couple of weeks, and not able to update my blog. I don't think I actually would have had the heart to do it anyway, as I know I need to follow up on the last entry, and I wasn't ready to do that quite yet. I'm still not sure that I am, but I do want to say that earth is a poorer place, and heaven much richer as my dear friend Gretchen went to be with the Lord on Feb. 26th, early in the morning, held in the loving arms of her husband and just as surely by the arms of Christ. I am just having such a hard time adjusting to the fact that Gretchen is gone from our sight, but certainly not from our hearts.

I went to my bathroom right after getting home from our trip and as I went to use the hand soap and lotion, was stricken as I remembered that they were a Christmas gift from Gretchen. I was knitting a little sweater for my 2 year old granddaughter while in Naples, and when I got stuck on something, my first thought was to call Gretchen. That's what I did last year when I decided to knit an incredibly complicated dress for Brooke on vacation and got into an awful mess 1200 miles from home. Gretchen talked me through it long distance, then came over to help me undo another mess a week later when I was back home and realized that I had knit one of the sleeves inside out. I was tempted to leave it, and just consider it quirky and cute, but she eyeballed it, then me, and gently shook her head. "No, Mary, after all that work, you need to finish this right as it was meant to be." She sat down and patiently undid that tiny sleeve, redid it, and in the process taught me a trick about knitting with circular needles rather than double point that will save me hours when making something in the future.

When taking her to a chemo appointment in December, we decided to just make it an entire day of fun after the bad part was over, so we went to lunch, and then shopping all over Easton for fun Christmas "stuff". The new star for Liz and Tommy's tree came about because I told Gretchen that Connor wanted a really shiny star. I found a bunch in a basket, and picked up the first one, covered with glitter. I was excited about my find, but Gretchen called me back and said we should go through the whole batch and make sure that we had the most glittery one of all. So, after looking at every single one, she found one that she thought was better than all the others. And Connor was unknowingly blessed by Gretchen's love and caring ways, bestowed always by her on anyone who was blessed to be in her presence. She then decided that since her youngest daughter, Hannah, had thought it would be cool to have a silver Christmas tree, we should try to find one somewhere in the vicinity. "Why not?" was her response to the question of "Do you really want a silver tree???" After looking at Lowe's, we went to Target, where she made a beeline to the back of that huge store and found just one silver one that was the display tree. The clerk agreed to sell it to her, and her exact words were "Well, of course that is just what God would do....save the last tree for Hannah."

I miss you, Gretchen, and I didn't even spend that much time with you this past year, as it was so taken up with medical issues, and your not feeling well a good deal of the time from the chemo. But you were always in my heart, and few days went by where I didn't whisper a prayer for your healing and return to wellness so that you could one day enjoy those grandkids that you so desperately longed for.

I think I'm experiencing a little bit of survivor guilt, as in "why you, instead of me?" I had such high, high hopes that somehow your doctors would be able to continue to find ways to keep you one step ahead of the monster that was breathing down your neck. I was so, so disappointed when God didn't answer all of our prayers for your healing, but took you home instead. I know that's God's territory, and that I don't get to make the decisions, but darn it, I really believed that God was going to keep you here for a lot longer. I'm not angry with Him, as I trust so much in His love and His indescribable mercy. But I am very, very disappointed, and that's a huge understatement.

Just like the "glitteriest" star for Connor's tree, for sure Gretchen is one of the "glitteriest" new additions to the heavens. Would you put your arms around her right now, Jesus, and just whisper in her ear that I wasn't ready for her to go, I really wanted to say goodbye, that I'm a little jealous of the peace and joy that she now is experiencing, and that I need help with this new little sweater for Brooke? Oh, and tell her how much I miss her, love her, and can't wait to see her again. I'm not in a big hurry to get there just yet, but at the same time what a wonderful day that is going to be! I hope she is one of the very first familiar faces that I see when enter God's kingdom, and that she has knitted me a beautiful white robe for the occasion! Now that makes me smile. And that reminds me of something that she said to me after I had experienced a very dark time in my life. "You think you won't smile again, but I promise that you will". And I did, and I do, and I will continue to, thanks to God's grace and the wise words of a beautiful woman and friend.

When God doesn't answer our prayers for healing~

Today I found out that a dear friend, who has been battling cancer for several years, and always seeming to stay one step ahead, has now been sent home by her doctor and told to call Hospice. As a friend and I discussed how we should be dealing with this, and how we could help and support our friend who is in such deep need right now, I remembered this link that my daughter had sent me a couple of days ago. It is part of a series on healings that is being taught at the Cooper Road Vineyard in Westerville by Rich Nathan.

This particular teaching focused on what happens when God doesn't answer our prayers for healing as we hope He will. I am going to post the link in my links column. All of us will be dealing with serious illness at some point in our lives, and sometimes our loved ones (or ourselves) will be brought back to better health, and sometimes we will lose the battle altogether.

We have prayed for this friend for so long, and so fervently, and I am not willing to give up and discontinue praying for her healing. But, God is in charge, and He knows exactly what is going to happen in the long run, and He more than any of her loved ones has her very best interests in His heart. He is not surprised by this, and His plan for her life is still perfect. As it is for yours and mine.

As I have said to this dear friend, I could go out in my car today and be killed in an accident, so there's a possibility that I could reach Heaven before she does. And if I do, I will be waiting there for her with open arms, and I expect her to do the same for me if she gets there first.

My prayer always to the Lord is this one, which is the last line in a hymn that is one of my very favorites: "O Sacred Head now Wounded". The line reads~"Oh, may I never, ever, outlive my love for Thee." If there is a chance that I could grow cold in my love for the Lord if I live a long time, I would rather by far be taken home to Him today than let that happen. I know my friend feels the exact same way, and I am grateful that her love for Him continues to grow as she gets news that is so disheartening. And she is paving the way for the rest of us as she courageously lifts her head and trusts God no matter what the outcome. May that be said of us all when the time comes.

Confined to a crate, and not liking it very much...

The other day, as I was getting something out of the refrigerator, much to my dismay my favorite iced tea pitcher crashed to the floor and sent shards of glass flying in every direction. Of course, my two very nosy pooches came running immediately to investigate, which caused me to run to head them off at the pass. Much to THEIR dismay, I hauled them off to their crate in the next room, which is used only for a place for them to escape being mauled by the grandkiddos, or simply to curl up and rest. Very rarely is it used for confinement, but due to the circumstances, in this case there was no choice.

The entire time that I spent cleaning up the glass, moans and groans and whines were emanating from the study. You would seriously think they were being tortured. And here I was just putting them there for their own wellbeing! Which got me to thinking...

How many times has God put me in a place of His choosing that feels on my end very confining, uncomfortable, maybe even downright cramped? For instance, when I have gotten sick when I'd rather have been out and about doing the things on my agenda, or my child got benched on their team for something that seemed very unfair, or a plan to travel was cancelled or postponed because of weather, a child's illness, or for any other of a million reasons...

That makes me then wonder how many of those times were meant to keep me safe, healthy, and out of harm's way, and I didn't even know it? Maybe that sickness kept me from going out and getting in an accident, or the benched kid resulted in an intact muscle or bone rather than the other way around. Or perhaps the cancelled travel made room for another event that was much more important on God's agenda than it was on mine.

I realize for sure that I will never know the answers to these questions this side of Heaven, but I do think that it makes me believe I should whine a lot less and ponder God's hand in my life a whole lot more the next time I am confined to my crate. :)

"For we know that all things work for good in the lives of those who love Him, and are called according to HIS purposes." ~Romans 8:28

Planned Neglect
(from Leading the Way-Feb. Journal)

One evening, a man sat in the audience of a performing arts center and was moved to tears by the beautiful songs of a concert violinist. At the reception following the concert, the man approached the artist. He said, "You are so accomplished for your age! What is the secret to your success?"
The violinist smiled and gave a little chuckle as she replied, "Planned neglect!" Noticing the confused look on the man's face, she explained: "Years ago I discovered that there were many things that demanded my time. I would wake up, eat breakfast, then tidy up around the house. I would check my mailbox and return phone calls and run errands. Before I knew it, the clock would be well into the afternoon as I began my violin practice. But by then I was no longer fresh. I was improving my music skills, but not enough to become a concert violinist. I realized that this system failed to accomplish the desired results.
"I decided that I had to reverse things. Now I deliberately set aside everything else each day until my practice period is ended. My chores and errands still get completed, but my violin practice receives the best and freshest part of my day. That system of planned neglect accounts for my success."
Likewise, when we put our relationship with Christ first in our lives, everything else will fall into place. We will grow exponentially in our spiritual walk when we practice "planned neglect" of our earthly distractions. Is your relationship with Christ suffering neglect or is it first in your life?"

I love this term "Planned neglect." I have been doing that for some time in my life now, and it has made all the difference in my relationship with the Lord. There are days when I miss the boat, but most days my first hour of waking up is spent with Him, and it really helps me order the rest of my day.

Quote of the Century

"Your house should be clean enough to be healthy, and cluttered enough to be happy."

His eye is on the sparrow...

We just got home from a great trip over the weekend to the Inn at Honey Run, which is in Amish country. We went with a couple of very good friends, and loved having their companionship, and common interests. One of the things that my friend Corky and I share is a love of and fascination for birds. At the Inn, there are huge feeders outside of every window, so who needs any other form of entertainment? Their antics, along with one red squirrel the size of a domestic cat, were hilarious!

I began to think of the scripture that Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount. Remember that the context of this verse is in relation to being anxious: "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" -Matt. 6:26

Those birds I was watching had no concept of where their food in those feeders originated from...neither did they care. Their focus was on retrieiving the food and eating it, knowing that day after day it magically appears without effort on their part. So, no worries!

Take that idea a step further...you know where I'm headed with this. Why, oh why, do we worry about tomorrow and the provisions that we will need? If I care enough, and if God Himself cares enough to take care of these little ones, who have no anxiety about their source, why in the world would He drop the ball when it comes to me, who apparently is "worth much more than they are" in His eyes?

That is all the food for thought that I should need to keep my heart quiet and at rest.

Are you a Holly or a Lucy??

I hate to say it, but I think I know who got the other half of the tail...

Lucy gazing out the window

Holly and Lucy

The following letter is a testimony that I was asked to do for our church newsletter a few months ago. I was thinking today of how important it is for young moms, old moms, grandmoms, whomever, to really get down and get committed to a personal time just between the Lord and you each day. It isn't easy, it's hard. It doesn't come naturally, but the rewards are endless. You learned to brush your teeth regularly, so it's a question of making time with the Lord a habit, just like brushing your teeth. And with little ones running around doing everything in their earthly power to distract you, it will take everything you've got to make a little extra time for that one-on-one. But 5 minutes is better than no minutes, and once the little ones are not so little, you will have developed a discipline that will keep you balanced throughout your life. I can't emphasize enough this one thing: God first, family next, everything else last...although there will be times this just isn't possible, if you can follow through MOST of the time, it will benefit you more than you can imagine!

"Our pastor talked to us recently about setting aside special times for quiet with the Lord. I had already established years ago a morning devotional time, but was finding that there are times when I need more than that. I took several days and went to our cabin all by myself in August (even though I think it’s a little spooky to stay there overnite alone, but God reassured me of His presence whenever I needed it) in order to spend time listening to Him. I was having some difficult issues to work through, decided I needed to get away with Him, and amazingly as I was driving north it became quite clear to me that it wasn’t happening because I had made the plans, but rather that He was doing the calling to come away, and I was just responding to His voice. That made all the difference in the way I viewed my time with Him, and the attitude that I had about really listening to Him and then following through on what I believed He was leading me to do in the coming year. One of those challenges was to spend an extended period of time weekly alone with Him in the prayer room (still working on that), as well as to continue my time with Him each morning in my kitchen reading my Indeed devotional, my bible, and then listening to worship music while I praise and pray. This has so renewed and restored my relationship with Him, which I truly needed as I had allowed anxieties and fears to crowd out His quieter voice.

God has done the most wonderful teaching for me about this very thing through my 2 dogs, of all things. I have 2 Cavaliers, which are the most devoted of companions in the doggy world. They rarely leave my side, and anticipate my every move from room to room, just so that they don’t miss out on anything, I think. But interestingly, in the mornings when I’m having my quiet time in the kitchen, Lucy will spend that time in the next room standing up on the arm of a chair looking out the window at the squirrels and birds which are very appealing to the hunter in her. Holly, on the other hand, lays at my feet on the floor, rarely taking her eyes off of me. During this time, I might make a piece of toast or something similar, and since she’s right there, she always gets a tidbit. Lucy misses out on that completely because she is totally distracted by what’s going on outside, and doesn’t even know that she has missed an extra treat. I thought one morning of how much that is like me. I am the one who loves to gaze out the window, metaphorically, thinking about all the things that I love and enjoy, and often being pulled in several directions as to what I want to do next. There’s nothing technically wrong with that, but it allows me to lose my focus on the One who has all the answers and the words of friendship just waiting for me if I take the time to gaze at Him and listen to His voice. Very much like Mary and Martha, but in this case it’s Holly and Lucy. Also, in the evenings I have begun to make it a habit to read the Psalm that corresponds to the date (Psalm 1, (or 31, 61, 91, 121) on the 1st day of the month, etc.) It is wonderful to close the day with God’s word echoing in your mind and heart. It only takes a minute, but the net effect lasts all night!

Sometimes I think people just get overwhelmed with what to do and where to start when establishing those times of devotion, whether daily, or in full retreat mode. There are so many tools that I have discovered that work so well and keep me focused. For instance, just having a devotional magazine like “Indeed” to get started is such a help, and then I follow up by reading the scriptures that go with the reading, often reading much more than has been allotted for the day. I keep worship mixes that I have created on CDs that last about 20 minutes right there in the kitchen, and choose a different one each day. While listening to them and praising Him, I then flow naturally into prayer for others. I keep a laminated card in my bible with the pictures of each of my family members. There is a scripture beside each one of their pictures that I have chosen to pray for them for the year. I let the Holy Spirit lead me in who might need more prayer than others on a particular day, so I don’t feel that it becomes rote. Another point that has helped me tremendously is to make sure that I am sitting right there at the kitchen table rather than in a comfy armchair that has a nice view out the window. (Lucy) I need to make the place where I meet with the Lord to have the least possible distractions.

The last thing I want to emphasize is that while I have been able to establish this spiritual discipline in my life with God’s guidance and great help, I also have slipped and fallen many times. Too often, especially when I was younger, I thought I just didn’t have those extra few minutes. Little did I realize the cost of neglecting to take that relatively small amount of time by putting Christ first in my day and in my heart. Thankfully, He was always there (and still is) to draw me back into His loving embrace whenever I would guiltily come back, often dragging my feet. He is so quick to forgive, to forget, and to get us moving forward yet again. I am so grateful for that. I pray that every member of our church family would find the treasure that is hidden in God’s word and in spending time in worship and prayer on a daily, or at least a frequent basis. I honestly can’t imagine what kind of a person I would be or what my life would be like if He hadn’t put this desire to spend dedicated time with Him in my heart. He has changed me from the inside out, yet I have such a long, long way to go. I love knowing that He will be with me to continue teaching me and being my closest friend as I continue my journey with Him. "

Diamond in the rough...

I was sitting in church a couple of Sundays ago with my Bible open on my lap to the passage that was the sermon topic. I would glance down at the verse on the page, but my gaze kept wandering to my left ring finger, which was sparkling like the stars in a dark night sky.

A bit of history will help you picture this: When I got engaged, I was part of that hippie generation that looked down our noses at engagement rings, crystal, china, silver or anything that appeared traditional in any way. Gosh, I would have gotten married in my bare feet with even a tiny bit of encouragement, but settled instead for a cotton gown and daisies in my hair. My wedding band was plain white gold. Loved it, loved it, loved it! Then I lost it, lost it, lost it!!! I know exactly where it is on Granview Rd. in someone's back yard where it slipped off my finger in a game of softball shortly after we were married. But even with metal detectors we were never able to find it. So, my sweet husband decided he would make me a new ring, since we were a little short on funds with both of us in college/law school and working part-time jobs. You won't believe this (I still don't believe it), but he took a nickel out into the shed behind our little rented apartment, used an awl and a hammer and a hard surface, and created a ring that actually looked like my other one!

Well, I think that one lasted a few years until I gained a couple (or more) pounds after having had 2 babies. So, we bought another white gold band, since hubby now was gainfully employed. I still had no use whatsoever for jewels, even though diamonds were my birthstone. I thought Elizabeth Taylor was ridiculous, collecting all those diamonds, for Pete's sake. And even after seeing the Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian, I was a lot more interested in the Dinosaur bones.

Enter my late 30's, the death of my dearly beloved grandmother, and the bequeathing of her 3 diamond rings upon her grandkids. I got the 4-stone anniversary band, which I treasured immediately, mostly because it was hers. It didn't look all that great with the band that I was wearing at the time, but I really wasn't that concerned.

This past Christmas season, Bob and I were headed out to do some Christmas shopping one morning. Maybe it was the fact that my youngest daughter was newly engaged and had received a stunning vintage ring designed by her fiancee, or that my older daughter had a lovely solitaire on her 31-year old finger, but I had a sudden urge to look at rings for myself. My hubby warmed up to the idea immediately, since he had been thinking of Windows 7 for my main Christmas present and somewhere in the back of his male mind there was a teeny tiny question of whether that consituted a romantic Christmas gift. He knows I LOVE romantic Christmas gifts! So, we both headed to the local jeweler, where in half an hour I had found a solitaire that perfectly complemented my anniversary band. So, on Christmas Eve, during our tradition of opening our gifts to each other in front of the fire after everyone else is in bed, there was a nice little box that was no surprise but brought tears of joy, nonetheless. I loved it, loved it, loved it!!

Back to church on that Sunday a few weeks ago. As the ring on my hand sparkled and shone, next to the rather dull black and white verses on the page of my Bible, I was suddenly confronted with the symbolism of the choice that has faced God's children throughout the ages. Will my treasures be stored up here on earth, or will they be stored up in heaven? Which do I love more, God's Word, or the things that I have acquired? Wow, that sparkle was so distracting, pulling me away time and again from the words on the page, but I was gently reminded that Jesus is the living Word, and in His Word there is life that is the light of men and women through all the ages. (John 1:1-5)

I loved that visual sermon that I received that morning. I remembered the old praise chorus:

"Lord, you are more precious than silver
Lord, you are more costly than gold
Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds
And nothing I desire compares with You."

May our love for the things that we treasure on earth always bow its knee before the Treasure of Heaven, Our Lord Jesus. May we love Him, love Him, love Him!!!

Selah singing "Wonderful Merciful Savior"

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A house isn't always a home....

One of my most enduring memories is of a choice that I was forced to make in the early years of our marriage. We had been renting a small, but very sweet apartment right in the center of our town. We loved the location, but in considering a family that would be growing when we began to have children, we knew that we needed a larger space.

I am the proactive member of this union, always ready to jump on any and every opportunity, while my mate is a cautious, take your time and think it over (and over, and over, and~well, you catch my drift) kind of guy. The minute he agreed to a house-hunting venture, boy-I was all over that one! I found a local realtor named Kevin, a very nice guy who as a bonus turned out to be a Christian, and was set to go. He showed us a few houses in our price range, but it turned out that what we could afford and what we (read "I") liked were miles apart. After being shown one house in particular that I just fell in love with, I dragged hubby right over to see it. Never mind that it was in the next town, where I wasn't even sure I was all that eager to live. I just loved the house, and was willing to throw over any other considerations in order to get it. After living in a one bedroom, upstairs apartment for a few years, this looked like a palace to me. Not to mention that I wouldn't have to climb in through the window on the downstairs landing anymore when I was locked out of the house because of the dumb, ancient lock on the door.

My guy wasn't nearly as thrilled with the house find as I thought he would be. He walked around silently, except for a few "hmmms..." and grunts in response to the realtor's and my observations about what a great house it was. I, however, not easily deterred, chalked it up to first-time buyer nervousness, and just knew that my enthusiasm would be enough to whisk us both over the threshold.

Carried along by the excitement of finding the house, priced somewhat (OK, a lot) more than we had agreed that we could afford, I took the driver's seat along with my reluctant passenger and set in motion all that goes along with buying a house. The paperwork to make an offer was readied, and I was chomping at the bit. My husband voiced concerns that we were biting off way more than we could chew, but with him not being all that vocal about it (gosh, he wasn't yelling or anything) I somehow was able to keep things moving along by listening to only what I wanted to hear, and shutting out the negative talk, as I labeled it.

The day that we met with Kevin for lunch to sign the paperwork for the offer, I was very disappointed with the atmosphere in the booth. Both men were very quiet, and nobody but me was the least bit excited. What was wrong with these guys? My food wasn't digesting all that well either. When we were done, our realtor offered to give me a ride home as my spouse had to go the other direction to get back to work. In the car, again a lot of silence and awkward moments. Right before we got back into town, he turned to me and said, "You know, I just don't think your husband's heart is in this. And if it's not, then this could cause a lot of problems for you. Just remember that a house isn't always a home. What you really want is a home, not a house."

After the shock of hearing those words come out of his mouth, I mumbled something like "Thanks, I'll be thinking about that" and scrambled out of the car as fast as I could with what little dignity I felt I had left. I had the rest of the afternoon to ponder that statement, and ponder, I did. Now here is the amazing part. How God did it I will never know, but He took that determined little heart of mine, completely set on having my own way, and broke it in the space of a few hours. I was convicted, I was humbled, I was horrified at how close I had come to losing the most important element in my relationship with the man I loved with all my heart~trust. He had entrusted his heart to me from the beginning of our marriage, believing that I would from that moment on see myself as part of a whole, rather than as an independent entity. And I had completely lost sight of that truth in my rush to fulfill my own personal needs and wants. Ouch!!!

I was waiting for him at the top of the stairs when he let himself through the door at the foot of the landing that night. As he started up the steps, I started to talk. "Honey, I am so sorry to have pushed you into something that you aren't feeling right about. Please forgive me." I will never, ever forget the look on his face as tears welled up and overflowed. (I'm crying as I write this, and it was over 30 years ago). His exact words were: "All afternoon I tried and tried to think how I was going to tell you when I came home that we just can't afford this house. I knew you wanted it so much, and I wanted to make it work, but today I just knew it wouldn't. And I didn't know how to tell you."

Is God amazing, or what? And how about that realtor, who put his commission on the line for the sake of a principle that meant more to him than money? The events of that day were seared upon my newlywed heart, and helped set the tone for my future behavior in similar situations. Have I always done the right thing since then, and never gotten out ahead of my husband when it comes to making decisions that affect our family? Is the Pope a Methodist? (For those of you not up on your denominations, the answer is a resounding "No" :)

I have struggled off and on, and mostly on, ever since with the fact that I am quick, impulsive, and can move to make a decision faster than you can blink an eye, and am hitched to someone who can be slower than molasses in January when he needs to make up his mind. But God has clear instructions in His Word as to just who leads whom in a marriage relationship, and I am determined to follow that plan by the help of His Holy Spirit even if it kills me! And guess what, it nearly has. Praise the Lord! "For I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." Galatians 2:20

P.S. Just as I finished typing the last sentence above, my sweetie came home from work through the side door and then to the foot of stairs, calling up to me. I went to the head of the stairs, and we met halfway with a hug and welcome home kiss. Can I tell you how much that deja vu moment just meant to me? Fast forward 30 years from that moment on the stairs in our old apartment to the house where we now live, to the love and trust that has been built into our relationship through good times, bad times, and all the times in between. Thank you Kevin, and thank you Lord!!!

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Challenges to help become a Wise Woman who Builds...
~Think of 3 things that you admire and respect about your husband. At an appropriate time, tell him those three things. Don't be shocked at the look of surprise and pleasure on his face!

~When something makes you angry this week, take a deep breath, picture taking your thoughts captive to Christ and releasing them to Him, THEN respond.

~Look through your wardrobe and find 3 things (or more) that you haven't worn in the past two years. Put them in a receptacle for future disposal. And no "receptacle diving" to get them back out!


Challenge Bible Verse for the week of 1/22-1/29
"And let not your adornment be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

1 Peter 3:3-4