On Faith, Knitting, and the unravelling of both...

I have been knitting a sweater for my nearly 2 year old granddaughter, Brooke, for her upcoming birthday. I bought a very special yarn, brand new turbo needles, spent a good deal of cash, and couldn't wait to get started. The pattern looked simple, and after creating what I consider to be my masterpiece in the way of a very complicated dress for her birthday last year, I had no worries that this would be a piece of cake. Mistake number one.

Number two was that since it seemed so simple, I knitted the majority of the body while watching favorite TV shows, AND chatting with my sister whom I was visiting in Florida. Have I ever mentioned that I can't even talk on the phone and walk at the same time? Totally true. If I'm taking a walk, say on the bikepath, and my phone rings and I take the call, I have to sit down beside the path because I just can't do both at the same time. Used to be able to, but no more. My feet quit moving when my mouth starts going, and vice versa. Forget multi-tasking, I can't even double task!

So-o-o-o-, I was getting very excited as I finished the main body of the sweater last night, because all that was left were the sleeves and attaching the very darling buttons that I had spent at least an hour choosing so that they would be just perfect.

Imagine my dismay, even my horror if truth be told, when putting the two fronts of the cardigan together and finding that one side was a full inch shorter than the other! Somehow, somewhere, in between NCIS, or 24, or American Idol (I know, I know, shame on me), I dropped a few stitches, or maybe even added more than I should have, and voila, total mismatch.

After sitting there for about 5 minutes paralyzed by the knowledge of what I had to do, and desperately racking my brain for another solution, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started to unravel...and unravel...and unravel. Needless to say, the sweater isn't going to be finished before her birthday this weekend. Sigh. But, within a few minutes of finishing the unravelling, I began casting on stitches once again, determined to do it right this time. Don't know when I'll get it done, don't really care. But I will get it done, and darn it, she will look absolutely darling in it when I do.

The spiritual application came to me when I least expected it. I was pouring out my heart to my dear hubby last night about my disappointment that the Lord had not only allowed my friend to die, but that in the process He had seemingly negated completely the confidence that she had in the verses from scripture that she had held onto for dear life these past few years that gave her assurance that she still had a lot of living to do. I had that same confidence, as I believed that for her, as has happened for me many times, special verses from the Bible become "rhema" to our hearts, convincing us that not only is God's Word true in a general sense, but that He often speaks to us specific words of encouragement that give us a sense of the direction that He is taking us. I thought, and she thought, and many others thought as well, that God was going to keep her going for a lot longer than He did.

So, not only was I struggling with the loss of Gretchen, but as I talked over all my heartache with Bob, I realized that I was struggling with the fact that I thought I had a pattern of understanding God's ways that kept my faith strong, and that as a result of this event, what I thought I had learned didn't match up with what appeared to have happened. Then a picture of the little sweater for Brooke popped into my mind, and as I replayed the unravelling process, realized that I have some unravelling to do in my thinking as well.

I need to clarify that I don't see this as an undoing of my faith, but instead, an undoing of thought patterns that I have developed that are my attempts to keep life's events neat and orderly and understandable. I think God is showing me that, like Job, I thought I had a lot of things figured out, and now I realize that I don't know what I think. And like Job, I think I will put my hands over my mouth and sit down and say "Once I have spoken, and I will not answer; even twice, and I will add no more."

Many of my thoughts and ideas seem to be laying on the floor like a pile of unwound yarn, but I am going to begin again, casting on new thoughts gained by new insights that I have no doubt that the Lord will give me as I seek His face and search His word. Maybe in a few years the product of my faith more nearly will match the truth from God's perspective, and not mine. One thing I know, and that is that I don't know very much at all. But I do know God, and He knows everything. And that's enough to get me back up on my feet and moving once again. (But not when I'm talking on the phone).