I've been on vacation for a couple of weeks, and not able to update my blog. I don't think I actually would have had the heart to do it anyway, as I know I need to follow up on the last entry, and I wasn't ready to do that quite yet. I'm still not sure that I am, but I do want to say that earth is a poorer place, and heaven much richer as my dear friend Gretchen went to be with the Lord on Feb. 26th, early in the morning, held in the loving arms of her husband and just as surely by the arms of Christ. I am just having such a hard time adjusting to the fact that Gretchen is gone from our sight, but certainly not from our hearts.
I went to my bathroom right after getting home from our trip and as I went to use the hand soap and lotion, was stricken as I remembered that they were a Christmas gift from Gretchen. I was knitting a little sweater for my 2 year old granddaughter while in Naples, and when I got stuck on something, my first thought was to call Gretchen. That's what I did last year when I decided to knit an incredibly complicated dress for Brooke on vacation and got into an awful mess 1200 miles from home. Gretchen talked me through it long distance, then came over to help me undo another mess a week later when I was back home and realized that I had knit one of the sleeves inside out. I was tempted to leave it, and just consider it quirky and cute, but she eyeballed it, then me, and gently shook her head. "No, Mary, after all that work, you need to finish this right as it was meant to be." She sat down and patiently undid that tiny sleeve, redid it, and in the process taught me a trick about knitting with circular needles rather than double point that will save me hours when making something in the future.
When taking her to a chemo appointment in December, we decided to just make it an entire day of fun after the bad part was over, so we went to lunch, and then shopping all over Easton for fun Christmas "stuff". The new star for Liz and Tommy's tree came about because I told Gretchen that Connor wanted a really shiny star. I found a bunch in a basket, and picked up the first one, covered with glitter. I was excited about my find, but Gretchen called me back and said we should go through the whole batch and make sure that we had the most glittery one of all. So, after looking at every single one, she found one that she thought was better than all the others. And Connor was unknowingly blessed by Gretchen's love and caring ways, bestowed always by her on anyone who was blessed to be in her presence. She then decided that since her youngest daughter, Hannah, had thought it would be cool to have a silver Christmas tree, we should try to find one somewhere in the vicinity. "Why not?" was her response to the question of "Do you really want a silver tree???" After looking at Lowe's, we went to Target, where she made a beeline to the back of that huge store and found just one silver one that was the display tree. The clerk agreed to sell it to her, and her exact words were "Well, of course that is just what God would do....save the last tree for Hannah."
I miss you, Gretchen, and I didn't even spend that much time with you this past year, as it was so taken up with medical issues, and your not feeling well a good deal of the time from the chemo. But you were always in my heart, and few days went by where I didn't whisper a prayer for your healing and return to wellness so that you could one day enjoy those grandkids that you so desperately longed for.
I think I'm experiencing a little bit of survivor guilt, as in "why you, instead of me?" I had such high, high hopes that somehow your doctors would be able to continue to find ways to keep you one step ahead of the monster that was breathing down your neck. I was so, so disappointed when God didn't answer all of our prayers for your healing, but took you home instead. I know that's God's territory, and that I don't get to make the decisions, but darn it, I really believed that God was going to keep you here for a lot longer. I'm not angry with Him, as I trust so much in His love and His indescribable mercy. But I am very, very disappointed, and that's a huge understatement.
Just like the "glitteriest" star for Connor's tree, for sure Gretchen is one of the "glitteriest" new additions to the heavens. Would you put your arms around her right now, Jesus, and just whisper in her ear that I wasn't ready for her to go, I really wanted to say goodbye, that I'm a little jealous of the peace and joy that she now is experiencing, and that I need help with this new little sweater for Brooke? Oh, and tell her how much I miss her, love her, and can't wait to see her again. I'm not in a big hurry to get there just yet, but at the same time what a wonderful day that is going to be! I hope she is one of the very first familiar faces that I see when enter God's kingdom, and that she has knitted me a beautiful white robe for the occasion! Now that makes me smile. And that reminds me of something that she said to me after I had experienced a very dark time in my life. "You think you won't smile again, but I promise that you will". And I did, and I do, and I will continue to, thanks to God's grace and the wise words of a beautiful woman and friend.
I went to my bathroom right after getting home from our trip and as I went to use the hand soap and lotion, was stricken as I remembered that they were a Christmas gift from Gretchen. I was knitting a little sweater for my 2 year old granddaughter while in Naples, and when I got stuck on something, my first thought was to call Gretchen. That's what I did last year when I decided to knit an incredibly complicated dress for Brooke on vacation and got into an awful mess 1200 miles from home. Gretchen talked me through it long distance, then came over to help me undo another mess a week later when I was back home and realized that I had knit one of the sleeves inside out. I was tempted to leave it, and just consider it quirky and cute, but she eyeballed it, then me, and gently shook her head. "No, Mary, after all that work, you need to finish this right as it was meant to be." She sat down and patiently undid that tiny sleeve, redid it, and in the process taught me a trick about knitting with circular needles rather than double point that will save me hours when making something in the future.
When taking her to a chemo appointment in December, we decided to just make it an entire day of fun after the bad part was over, so we went to lunch, and then shopping all over Easton for fun Christmas "stuff". The new star for Liz and Tommy's tree came about because I told Gretchen that Connor wanted a really shiny star. I found a bunch in a basket, and picked up the first one, covered with glitter. I was excited about my find, but Gretchen called me back and said we should go through the whole batch and make sure that we had the most glittery one of all. So, after looking at every single one, she found one that she thought was better than all the others. And Connor was unknowingly blessed by Gretchen's love and caring ways, bestowed always by her on anyone who was blessed to be in her presence. She then decided that since her youngest daughter, Hannah, had thought it would be cool to have a silver Christmas tree, we should try to find one somewhere in the vicinity. "Why not?" was her response to the question of "Do you really want a silver tree???" After looking at Lowe's, we went to Target, where she made a beeline to the back of that huge store and found just one silver one that was the display tree. The clerk agreed to sell it to her, and her exact words were "Well, of course that is just what God would do....save the last tree for Hannah."
I miss you, Gretchen, and I didn't even spend that much time with you this past year, as it was so taken up with medical issues, and your not feeling well a good deal of the time from the chemo. But you were always in my heart, and few days went by where I didn't whisper a prayer for your healing and return to wellness so that you could one day enjoy those grandkids that you so desperately longed for.
I think I'm experiencing a little bit of survivor guilt, as in "why you, instead of me?" I had such high, high hopes that somehow your doctors would be able to continue to find ways to keep you one step ahead of the monster that was breathing down your neck. I was so, so disappointed when God didn't answer all of our prayers for your healing, but took you home instead. I know that's God's territory, and that I don't get to make the decisions, but darn it, I really believed that God was going to keep you here for a lot longer. I'm not angry with Him, as I trust so much in His love and His indescribable mercy. But I am very, very disappointed, and that's a huge understatement.
Just like the "glitteriest" star for Connor's tree, for sure Gretchen is one of the "glitteriest" new additions to the heavens. Would you put your arms around her right now, Jesus, and just whisper in her ear that I wasn't ready for her to go, I really wanted to say goodbye, that I'm a little jealous of the peace and joy that she now is experiencing, and that I need help with this new little sweater for Brooke? Oh, and tell her how much I miss her, love her, and can't wait to see her again. I'm not in a big hurry to get there just yet, but at the same time what a wonderful day that is going to be! I hope she is one of the very first familiar faces that I see when enter God's kingdom, and that she has knitted me a beautiful white robe for the occasion! Now that makes me smile. And that reminds me of something that she said to me after I had experienced a very dark time in my life. "You think you won't smile again, but I promise that you will". And I did, and I do, and I will continue to, thanks to God's grace and the wise words of a beautiful woman and friend.
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