A house isn't always a home....

One of my most enduring memories is of a choice that I was forced to make in the early years of our marriage. We had been renting a small, but very sweet apartment right in the center of our town. We loved the location, but in considering a family that would be growing when we began to have children, we knew that we needed a larger space.

I am the proactive member of this union, always ready to jump on any and every opportunity, while my mate is a cautious, take your time and think it over (and over, and over, and~well, you catch my drift) kind of guy. The minute he agreed to a house-hunting venture, boy-I was all over that one! I found a local realtor named Kevin, a very nice guy who as a bonus turned out to be a Christian, and was set to go. He showed us a few houses in our price range, but it turned out that what we could afford and what we (read "I") liked were miles apart. After being shown one house in particular that I just fell in love with, I dragged hubby right over to see it. Never mind that it was in the next town, where I wasn't even sure I was all that eager to live. I just loved the house, and was willing to throw over any other considerations in order to get it. After living in a one bedroom, upstairs apartment for a few years, this looked like a palace to me. Not to mention that I wouldn't have to climb in through the window on the downstairs landing anymore when I was locked out of the house because of the dumb, ancient lock on the door.

My guy wasn't nearly as thrilled with the house find as I thought he would be. He walked around silently, except for a few "hmmms..." and grunts in response to the realtor's and my observations about what a great house it was. I, however, not easily deterred, chalked it up to first-time buyer nervousness, and just knew that my enthusiasm would be enough to whisk us both over the threshold.

Carried along by the excitement of finding the house, priced somewhat (OK, a lot) more than we had agreed that we could afford, I took the driver's seat along with my reluctant passenger and set in motion all that goes along with buying a house. The paperwork to make an offer was readied, and I was chomping at the bit. My husband voiced concerns that we were biting off way more than we could chew, but with him not being all that vocal about it (gosh, he wasn't yelling or anything) I somehow was able to keep things moving along by listening to only what I wanted to hear, and shutting out the negative talk, as I labeled it.

The day that we met with Kevin for lunch to sign the paperwork for the offer, I was very disappointed with the atmosphere in the booth. Both men were very quiet, and nobody but me was the least bit excited. What was wrong with these guys? My food wasn't digesting all that well either. When we were done, our realtor offered to give me a ride home as my spouse had to go the other direction to get back to work. In the car, again a lot of silence and awkward moments. Right before we got back into town, he turned to me and said, "You know, I just don't think your husband's heart is in this. And if it's not, then this could cause a lot of problems for you. Just remember that a house isn't always a home. What you really want is a home, not a house."

After the shock of hearing those words come out of his mouth, I mumbled something like "Thanks, I'll be thinking about that" and scrambled out of the car as fast as I could with what little dignity I felt I had left. I had the rest of the afternoon to ponder that statement, and ponder, I did. Now here is the amazing part. How God did it I will never know, but He took that determined little heart of mine, completely set on having my own way, and broke it in the space of a few hours. I was convicted, I was humbled, I was horrified at how close I had come to losing the most important element in my relationship with the man I loved with all my heart~trust. He had entrusted his heart to me from the beginning of our marriage, believing that I would from that moment on see myself as part of a whole, rather than as an independent entity. And I had completely lost sight of that truth in my rush to fulfill my own personal needs and wants. Ouch!!!

I was waiting for him at the top of the stairs when he let himself through the door at the foot of the landing that night. As he started up the steps, I started to talk. "Honey, I am so sorry to have pushed you into something that you aren't feeling right about. Please forgive me." I will never, ever forget the look on his face as tears welled up and overflowed. (I'm crying as I write this, and it was over 30 years ago). His exact words were: "All afternoon I tried and tried to think how I was going to tell you when I came home that we just can't afford this house. I knew you wanted it so much, and I wanted to make it work, but today I just knew it wouldn't. And I didn't know how to tell you."

Is God amazing, or what? And how about that realtor, who put his commission on the line for the sake of a principle that meant more to him than money? The events of that day were seared upon my newlywed heart, and helped set the tone for my future behavior in similar situations. Have I always done the right thing since then, and never gotten out ahead of my husband when it comes to making decisions that affect our family? Is the Pope a Methodist? (For those of you not up on your denominations, the answer is a resounding "No" :)

I have struggled off and on, and mostly on, ever since with the fact that I am quick, impulsive, and can move to make a decision faster than you can blink an eye, and am hitched to someone who can be slower than molasses in January when he needs to make up his mind. But God has clear instructions in His Word as to just who leads whom in a marriage relationship, and I am determined to follow that plan by the help of His Holy Spirit even if it kills me! And guess what, it nearly has. Praise the Lord! "For I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." Galatians 2:20

P.S. Just as I finished typing the last sentence above, my sweetie came home from work through the side door and then to the foot of stairs, calling up to me. I went to the head of the stairs, and we met halfway with a hug and welcome home kiss. Can I tell you how much that deja vu moment just meant to me? Fast forward 30 years from that moment on the stairs in our old apartment to the house where we now live, to the love and trust that has been built into our relationship through good times, bad times, and all the times in between. Thank you Kevin, and thank you Lord!!!

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Challenges to help become a Wise Woman who Builds...
~Think of 3 things that you admire and respect about your husband. At an appropriate time, tell him those three things. Don't be shocked at the look of surprise and pleasure on his face!

~When something makes you angry this week, take a deep breath, picture taking your thoughts captive to Christ and releasing them to Him, THEN respond.

~Look through your wardrobe and find 3 things (or more) that you haven't worn in the past two years. Put them in a receptacle for future disposal. And no "receptacle diving" to get them back out!


Challenge Bible Verse for the week of 1/22-1/29
"And let not your adornment be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

1 Peter 3:3-4