Counting Down until Midnight...

11:42~that is exactly 18 minutes until midnight. 18 more minutes to reflect on the end of a decade in my life...my 50s. I think I just turned 50, though! Wasn't I just sitting on the beach at the Turtle Club in Naples celebrating my 50th with my sister and her family, my parents, and friends, the Kesslers? I remember that night vividly. It was beautiful outside on the patio, watching the sun set over the gulf of Mexico. We took pictures of my nephews sitting on a wall by the beach, bathed in pinkish, golden light. We still have those pics, and they evoke a lot of nostalgia whenever I see them. Perfect setting, perfect weather, perfect company, really nice birthday (except that Bob and my girls weren't there...boo.)

Where in the heck did 10 years go so quickly? Did I blink too slowly and miss them? I don't really remember turning 51, or 52 or 53...or any other age up until 58, then 59, and now...gulp...the BIG ONE tomorrow. And it's now 11:50, so I only have 10 minutes!!! Yikes!!! Write fast, Mare! (I'm channeling my friend Lynne here, who always calls me that.)

What happened in my 50s that was memorable? Let's see...I gained a new son-in-law as my oldest daughter married her high school sweetheart, Tommy. I gained two new wonderful canine companions, Holly and Lucy. I lost one feline companion, Bella. :( I lost two dear friends to cancer, Gretchen and Angie. Gretchen I saw regularly, and was able to enjoy her friendship and share our faith quite often. Angie I had known well in my younger years, and we had just reconnected over the past few years as we ran into each other occasionally, and then through facebook. My heart aches over the loss of both. I also lost dear friends Lee and Jeff to a move that they made back to their original home in Kansas. But now they have moved back so that is a huge gain...they are in the process of buying a house right down the street from us! This, after losing touch except for Christmas cards and letters over the years. I gained through three years of having my parents move to this area and live close by, before moving back south a couple of years ago. I am in the process of gaining another son-in-law as my baby girl is getting married to her sweetheart, Brad, in June. Yippee!! And perhaps best of all, I gained two beautiful, precious, treasured, delightful, fun as a barrel of monkeys, loving grandchildren! These two are such bright and shining lights in my life, bringing joy beyond measure.

Uh oh, 11:59!!! Should I just stop and wait until the clock turns over? Wow, tick, tick, tick...there it went! Aughhh!! I am officially 60! And I am starting to cry as I type. I wonder why? I have never shed a tear over a birthday in my life, so why now? This just feels huge to me for some reason. I think it's because a lot of this past decade has been spent in focusing on the needs of my family due to some intense changes in their circumstances, and just recently God has opened my eyes in a very big way to a whole new avenue of ministry that focuses on the needs of young women. I have always had a heart for young wives and moms, but I believe that there is so much more in store for me to do in this area. I have so many ideas that they are literally falling over themselves trying to get out of my head in order to gain legs in my walk.

I think another reason for the tears is because I always imagined 60 to be on the darker side of living...the sundown side, so to speak. You know, in the seasons of life, there is spring, summer, fall, and winter, and 60 is beginning the winter time period of my personal history. At least that is what I always imagined. But, somehow it doesn't feel that way at all now that I have arrived. I still feel as young as I did at 20 and 30, when life was a long road before me and anything was possible if I only believed. I know that neither of those things are true anymore, but I still feel as young in my heart now as I did then. I'm just a whole heck of a lot wiser, and not through any of my own doing, that's for sure. Life is hard, it's not fair, but it is very good, because we have a very good God who is in charge of every breath that we take.

12:10...time for bed. Big day tomorrow with my sweet Liz and precious grandkids coming over to play and have lunch, and then off to dear friend Corky's for dinner with my very wonderful birthday group friends. Next week, a 'surprise' party given by both of my lovely girls because they are smart enough to know that their mom loves parties, and naive enough to think that they could pull it off without me finding out. I am asking God for something special tomorrow. I ask Him for it every year, and amazingly, He comes through. Can't tell what it is, though. It's something that only He can do, and it surprises me every year, even though I have asked in advance...it's just between the two of us.

Thank you Lord for one more decade, one more year, one more day, one more breath. I can't begin to express my gratitude, but I can try just the same. And to all a good night...