I decided a couple of weeks ago that I needed to make a few lifestyle changes, but also knew that they would need to be simple and easy. I am getting to the point, sadly, where it is very hard to teach an old dog new tricks, as we old dogs have tried most of them already and rarely have they become daily habits.
I am a fairly disciplined gal, but find that I often start "something" and then life gets in the way, and since it hasn't become part of my routine to the extent that I do it without even thinking (like brushing my teeth, taking my vitamins, etc.), that "something" just disappears into oblivion. So, having prayed recently for help with some new healthy endeavors, I came up with the idea of adding to or tweaking my normal fitness steps by making a list of "One Things" that I could do on a daily basis. These "One Things" would have to be uncomplicated, quick, easy to remember, and fit into any part of my day. They would need to be in addition to the disciplines that I already do regularly, which are an hour of walking or jogging, a time of devotion and worship, and then just the normal daily chores that go along with keeping a home and family in good running order.
So, here is the list of "One Things" that I came up with, and that I can recite without looking at my cheat sheet that is on my counter to remind me just in case I forget~
ONE set of sit-ups
ONE dose of fruits and veggies (5-6 servings)
ONE serving of water for cleansing and hydrating (6-8oz. glass 8X per day)
ONE apple
ONE playtime of @15 minutes with the doggies
Remember, this is in addition to the normal walking workout and the attempts to eat in a healthy manner every day.
I have been doing pretty well with following through on each one, but if I miss one, I generally have done the others, so at least I'm hitting about 90%. I figure that if I do these things regularly, they will become habit forming.
I'll let you know how I'm doing after a few more weeks. Are there some simple "One Things" that you could incorporate into your day that might add up to some major changes in your life? Let me know what you think!
"...one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 3:13-14
Friday, April 23, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Perfect Timing...When God keeps me waiting
Yesterday I decided to go on a long walk because the day was gorgeous, spring in all its glory was popping out all over the place, and I was tired of sitting still! I headed out the door, checked in with my hubby who was fooling around with his small plane at the airport, and we agreed that he would meet me later and pick me up so that I could take a long walk in the same direction and not have to loop back.
The views were just stunning on every stretch of my hike. This particular spring seems to have sprung from the perfect combination of temperatures, moisture, snow cover and whatever else it takes to make the kind of profusion of blossoms on trees and flowers that we are experiencing this year. I just couldn't take it all in as I would have liked. I wanted to see every single tree, every single view, every single flower and not miss one single thing. There was actually an ache in my heart as I realized how limited my vision is, and how brief this season of the year appears to be to color-starved eyes like mine. Even so, I was savoring to the max the visuals and the sounds and smells, and loving every minute of my walk. I was breathing praises of thanksgiving to the Lord for legs that still work, arms that still swing, eyes that still see, and other senses that work just fine and dandy at this point in my life.
And then, after completing a good part of the distance that I had planned to walk, a little hunger pang set in, which I dismissed for the moment. Then a sense that maybe I was going to need a bathroom stop before long started to poke its way into my conscious thoughts. I made a quick call to Bob, and he didn't pick up, but I knew he would call me back before long, so didn't worry.
Sure enough, he came through, and we agreed to meet in a "little bit", with him coming for me by heading in my direction from the opposite way. He would see me, stop, and I would hop in.
I walked, I walked some more, and became increasingly aware that I was having a major low blood sugar issue beginning to rear its ugly head. The need for a bathroom wasn't helping much either, and I started to check my watch every couple of minutes. Where was he? Hadn't he said he would be here soon? His "soon" was different than my "soon", obviously. I debated eating a stale granola bar in my fanny pack (yes, you younger readers, I DO use a fanny pack and I wouldn't be without it, so make fun of me all you want!). But Bob and I were going to dinner at one of my favorite spots, and I didn't want to ruin my appetite with this lousy little bar.
So, I started praying that God would show me His definition of being on time, rather than mine. I prayed that He would show me His perfect timing for me through this example of Bob coming to the rescue at the perfect moment. It seems that I have been waiting for an awful lot of things lately through prayer and hoping for answers that just haven't appeared as yet. So, I asked God to teach me a lesson about waiting and expecting Him to come through in what He knows to be the perfect time, not in what I consider it to be.
Every time I would approach a new intersection, I would eagerly look for his car to pull in just as I got there. Nope, just not happening. Over and over again I was disappointed as I would cross a spot that would have been a great place for him to pull over and pick me up. Getting hungrier and hungrier and grouchier and grouchier, I tried calling him again, but it went right to voicemail, of course. Just like my prayers seem to do sometimes. I was nearly out of sidewalk, and was going to have to turn around, but I knew I was going to have to eat that dumb bar if I was to keep walking. Sigh. I pulled it out with distaste, began to tear the wrapper, when the phone rang! It was Bob, and he came through just in the nick of time! He was just a minute or two away, so I happily tucked the bar back into the pack, and waited for that last minute knowing that all was going to be well. After pulling alongside and picking me up, I refrained from any comments except that I was hungry and needed to eat now!! We then headed to town for my favorite fast food in Granville, Greek Eats, and I have to say I may never have enjoyed a gyro as much as I did at that moment.
Always overwhelmed, always surprised, always grateful when I experience God's rescue, often in the nick of time. Which is always just perfect (in hindsight, of course.)
"We have waited for You eagerly; Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our hearts." ~Isaiah 26:8
The views were just stunning on every stretch of my hike. This particular spring seems to have sprung from the perfect combination of temperatures, moisture, snow cover and whatever else it takes to make the kind of profusion of blossoms on trees and flowers that we are experiencing this year. I just couldn't take it all in as I would have liked. I wanted to see every single tree, every single view, every single flower and not miss one single thing. There was actually an ache in my heart as I realized how limited my vision is, and how brief this season of the year appears to be to color-starved eyes like mine. Even so, I was savoring to the max the visuals and the sounds and smells, and loving every minute of my walk. I was breathing praises of thanksgiving to the Lord for legs that still work, arms that still swing, eyes that still see, and other senses that work just fine and dandy at this point in my life.
And then, after completing a good part of the distance that I had planned to walk, a little hunger pang set in, which I dismissed for the moment. Then a sense that maybe I was going to need a bathroom stop before long started to poke its way into my conscious thoughts. I made a quick call to Bob, and he didn't pick up, but I knew he would call me back before long, so didn't worry.
Sure enough, he came through, and we agreed to meet in a "little bit", with him coming for me by heading in my direction from the opposite way. He would see me, stop, and I would hop in.
I walked, I walked some more, and became increasingly aware that I was having a major low blood sugar issue beginning to rear its ugly head. The need for a bathroom wasn't helping much either, and I started to check my watch every couple of minutes. Where was he? Hadn't he said he would be here soon? His "soon" was different than my "soon", obviously. I debated eating a stale granola bar in my fanny pack (yes, you younger readers, I DO use a fanny pack and I wouldn't be without it, so make fun of me all you want!). But Bob and I were going to dinner at one of my favorite spots, and I didn't want to ruin my appetite with this lousy little bar.
So, I started praying that God would show me His definition of being on time, rather than mine. I prayed that He would show me His perfect timing for me through this example of Bob coming to the rescue at the perfect moment. It seems that I have been waiting for an awful lot of things lately through prayer and hoping for answers that just haven't appeared as yet. So, I asked God to teach me a lesson about waiting and expecting Him to come through in what He knows to be the perfect time, not in what I consider it to be.
Every time I would approach a new intersection, I would eagerly look for his car to pull in just as I got there. Nope, just not happening. Over and over again I was disappointed as I would cross a spot that would have been a great place for him to pull over and pick me up. Getting hungrier and hungrier and grouchier and grouchier, I tried calling him again, but it went right to voicemail, of course. Just like my prayers seem to do sometimes. I was nearly out of sidewalk, and was going to have to turn around, but I knew I was going to have to eat that dumb bar if I was to keep walking. Sigh. I pulled it out with distaste, began to tear the wrapper, when the phone rang! It was Bob, and he came through just in the nick of time! He was just a minute or two away, so I happily tucked the bar back into the pack, and waited for that last minute knowing that all was going to be well. After pulling alongside and picking me up, I refrained from any comments except that I was hungry and needed to eat now!! We then headed to town for my favorite fast food in Granville, Greek Eats, and I have to say I may never have enjoyed a gyro as much as I did at that moment.
Always overwhelmed, always surprised, always grateful when I experience God's rescue, often in the nick of time. Which is always just perfect (in hindsight, of course.)
"We have waited for You eagerly; Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our hearts." ~Isaiah 26:8
Monday, April 12, 2010
From God, with Love
I was reminded recently of how much I need to remember that all things that come into my life are from God's providing and gracious hands. I especially like to think of that in terms of the "good" things that come, even though I know that He allows not so good things as well.
The reminder came through something that Brooke, my 2 year old granddaughter brought to my attention. I had commented to her that I liked the sweater that she was wearing. She promptly pointed to the sweater, then to me, and said "Mimi". That's the name that the kiddos call me, and knowing that Brooke is a girl of few (very few) words, I had to stop and think of what she meant. The "Aha!" moment came when I recalled that her mommy had told me that almost everything she puts on, she attributes to having been a gift from "Mimi". I do buy the kid a lot, I confess, because...well, just because! The fact that she recalls which things come from me is pretty amazing, though, considering the size of her wardrobe.
This gentle nudge from the Lord was enough to cause me to "Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow", as I right away made the connection with the importance of my recognition of all that God has given to me, and then the telling of it. "I love your haircut, Mary": "God". (He gave me the money to pay for it)...... "Just love your house, Mary": "God". (He found it for us and then provided the means to buy it)......"You're a good writer, Mary": "God". (He inspires me and then gives me the words to say) And on and on it goes.
Now the things that you DON'T like about me, well, they're not His fault. Just because He gives doesn't mean I always receive with the right spirit or attitude. So, just pray for me. I want every blessing from Heaven to be something that causes onlookers to give the glory to the One who sent it.
"Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow." ~James 1:17
The reminder came through something that Brooke, my 2 year old granddaughter brought to my attention. I had commented to her that I liked the sweater that she was wearing. She promptly pointed to the sweater, then to me, and said "Mimi". That's the name that the kiddos call me, and knowing that Brooke is a girl of few (very few) words, I had to stop and think of what she meant. The "Aha!" moment came when I recalled that her mommy had told me that almost everything she puts on, she attributes to having been a gift from "Mimi". I do buy the kid a lot, I confess, because...well, just because! The fact that she recalls which things come from me is pretty amazing, though, considering the size of her wardrobe.
This gentle nudge from the Lord was enough to cause me to "Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow", as I right away made the connection with the importance of my recognition of all that God has given to me, and then the telling of it. "I love your haircut, Mary": "God". (He gave me the money to pay for it)...... "Just love your house, Mary": "God". (He found it for us and then provided the means to buy it)......"You're a good writer, Mary": "God". (He inspires me and then gives me the words to say) And on and on it goes.
Now the things that you DON'T like about me, well, they're not His fault. Just because He gives doesn't mean I always receive with the right spirit or attitude. So, just pray for me. I want every blessing from Heaven to be something that causes onlookers to give the glory to the One who sent it.
"Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow." ~James 1:17
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Eternity
I have been thinking a lot about what lies beyond our material world during this past year. In October, I travelled with friends to Billy Graham's Training Center at the Cove (http://www.thecove.org/) for a seminar on the Second Coming of Christ. I just re-read that last part of the sentence and realized how nonchalantly I had typed in those words...Second Coming of Christ. Ho Hum. Then I thought again, and remembered how deeply convicted and excited and challenged I was during and after that intense time of study, led by 4 different pastors!!! I wasn't sure when we left that we would even get home before Jesus called us up into the heavens in order to return with Him during that Second Coming! It was that real during our time together at the Cove.
I don't know if your theology and mine on that topic are in sync, but that's not really an issue. I have strong beliefs based on studies that I have done, and those reading this probably have too. It's not important to all be on the same page as to the how and the when, but it is vital that we believe that Jesus is coming back. The entire Bible refers to that event either specifically, or by implication throughout both the Old and New Testaments, and one huge thing that really irks me about Christiams is when I hear them say that it really isn't all that relevant in today's world...that what's really needed is to live each day to the fullest and make sure that our life here counts for the kingdom. Hello!!!! Have you ever stopped to think about how much of the Bible is prophetic and how many warnings there are about being ready for the return of the King to the planet?? And of how that knowledge should be motivating us to good works here and now? I, for one, had sort of forgotten all of that until I was jolted severely back to reality by the teachings that I heard at the Cove in October.
On top of that, several people that I have known have died in the Lord in the past few months, as well as some who weren't believers, and if that doesn't make you stop and evaluate whether you are spending any time planning for eternity, I don't know what will.
A couple of specific things have popped into my life recently to remind me of how thin the veil between this life and the next really is ~first, I picked up a little book, written in 1977, at a Travel Center on my way home from Naples a couple of weeks ago. Its title is: "My Glimpse of Eternity" by Betty Malz. Betty was a young wife and mother at the age of 27, who became seriously ill, and after several months of hospitalization, actually died and "stayed dead" for 28 minutes or so. Her story is amazing, and very biblical as well as Christ honoring, as so many of those life after death sagas are not. I read it without putting it down in a couple of hours, and as soon as I got home, I ordered several more to give away to friends. (http://www.barnesandnoble.com/). I highly encourage you to order a copy (or several) to help stir you to action in order to prepare for your eternal life as much as you are working to keep this present life on track.
A second item came as a recommendation from my friend Beth. Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD released in Nov. called "Beauty will Rise", chronicles the spiritual journey of Steven and his family following the tragic accidental death of their small daughter a couple of years ago. I downloaded it from itunes, and listened to it in one sitting. Warning: you will need a lot of Kleenex. Again, how thin the veil......
We have been invited as a couple to a small group beginning in a couple of weeks that will focus on studying a book "One Month to Live". I am really happy about the chance to do this together with friends, since I have heard that the point of the book is to put yourself in the frame of mind that you have been given one month to live, and what your course of action might be as a result of that knowledge.
I don't believe in coincidences, so I have to believe that there is a reason that God is jogging my consciousness in so many ways about the subject of eternity. I'm not afraid, or skittish, or even slightly nervous as to what that purpose might be. For all any of us know, our next trip out the door could be our last, so I won't allow myself to fret about when, where or how that might occur. And after reading Betty Malz's story, I'm actually eager (not in a hurry, but eager) for the moment when I step through that veil and into the true reality, of which my life here is a pale imitation, and I'll get to see Jesus face to face!!!
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Cor. 13:12
I don't know if your theology and mine on that topic are in sync, but that's not really an issue. I have strong beliefs based on studies that I have done, and those reading this probably have too. It's not important to all be on the same page as to the how and the when, but it is vital that we believe that Jesus is coming back. The entire Bible refers to that event either specifically, or by implication throughout both the Old and New Testaments, and one huge thing that really irks me about Christiams is when I hear them say that it really isn't all that relevant in today's world...that what's really needed is to live each day to the fullest and make sure that our life here counts for the kingdom. Hello!!!! Have you ever stopped to think about how much of the Bible is prophetic and how many warnings there are about being ready for the return of the King to the planet?? And of how that knowledge should be motivating us to good works here and now? I, for one, had sort of forgotten all of that until I was jolted severely back to reality by the teachings that I heard at the Cove in October.
On top of that, several people that I have known have died in the Lord in the past few months, as well as some who weren't believers, and if that doesn't make you stop and evaluate whether you are spending any time planning for eternity, I don't know what will.
A couple of specific things have popped into my life recently to remind me of how thin the veil between this life and the next really is ~first, I picked up a little book, written in 1977, at a Travel Center on my way home from Naples a couple of weeks ago. Its title is: "My Glimpse of Eternity" by Betty Malz. Betty was a young wife and mother at the age of 27, who became seriously ill, and after several months of hospitalization, actually died and "stayed dead" for 28 minutes or so. Her story is amazing, and very biblical as well as Christ honoring, as so many of those life after death sagas are not. I read it without putting it down in a couple of hours, and as soon as I got home, I ordered several more to give away to friends. (http://www.barnesandnoble.com/). I highly encourage you to order a copy (or several) to help stir you to action in order to prepare for your eternal life as much as you are working to keep this present life on track.
A second item came as a recommendation from my friend Beth. Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD released in Nov. called "Beauty will Rise", chronicles the spiritual journey of Steven and his family following the tragic accidental death of their small daughter a couple of years ago. I downloaded it from itunes, and listened to it in one sitting. Warning: you will need a lot of Kleenex. Again, how thin the veil......
We have been invited as a couple to a small group beginning in a couple of weeks that will focus on studying a book "One Month to Live". I am really happy about the chance to do this together with friends, since I have heard that the point of the book is to put yourself in the frame of mind that you have been given one month to live, and what your course of action might be as a result of that knowledge.
I don't believe in coincidences, so I have to believe that there is a reason that God is jogging my consciousness in so many ways about the subject of eternity. I'm not afraid, or skittish, or even slightly nervous as to what that purpose might be. For all any of us know, our next trip out the door could be our last, so I won't allow myself to fret about when, where or how that might occur. And after reading Betty Malz's story, I'm actually eager (not in a hurry, but eager) for the moment when I step through that veil and into the true reality, of which my life here is a pale imitation, and I'll get to see Jesus face to face!!!
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Cor. 13:12
Monday, March 22, 2010
On Faith, Knitting, and the unravelling of both...
I have been knitting a sweater for my nearly 2 year old granddaughter, Brooke, for her upcoming birthday. I bought a very special yarn, brand new turbo needles, spent a good deal of cash, and couldn't wait to get started. The pattern looked simple, and after creating what I consider to be my masterpiece in the way of a very complicated dress for her birthday last year, I had no worries that this would be a piece of cake. Mistake number one.
Number two was that since it seemed so simple, I knitted the majority of the body while watching favorite TV shows, AND chatting with my sister whom I was visiting in Florida. Have I ever mentioned that I can't even talk on the phone and walk at the same time? Totally true. If I'm taking a walk, say on the bikepath, and my phone rings and I take the call, I have to sit down beside the path because I just can't do both at the same time. Used to be able to, but no more. My feet quit moving when my mouth starts going, and vice versa. Forget multi-tasking, I can't even double task!
So-o-o-o-, I was getting very excited as I finished the main body of the sweater last night, because all that was left were the sleeves and attaching the very darling buttons that I had spent at least an hour choosing so that they would be just perfect.
Imagine my dismay, even my horror if truth be told, when putting the two fronts of the cardigan together and finding that one side was a full inch shorter than the other! Somehow, somewhere, in between NCIS, or 24, or American Idol (I know, I know, shame on me), I dropped a few stitches, or maybe even added more than I should have, and voila, total mismatch.
After sitting there for about 5 minutes paralyzed by the knowledge of what I had to do, and desperately racking my brain for another solution, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started to unravel...and unravel...and unravel. Needless to say, the sweater isn't going to be finished before her birthday this weekend. Sigh. But, within a few minutes of finishing the unravelling, I began casting on stitches once again, determined to do it right this time. Don't know when I'll get it done, don't really care. But I will get it done, and darn it, she will look absolutely darling in it when I do.
The spiritual application came to me when I least expected it. I was pouring out my heart to my dear hubby last night about my disappointment that the Lord had not only allowed my friend to die, but that in the process He had seemingly negated completely the confidence that she had in the verses from scripture that she had held onto for dear life these past few years that gave her assurance that she still had a lot of living to do. I had that same confidence, as I believed that for her, as has happened for me many times, special verses from the Bible become "rhema" to our hearts, convincing us that not only is God's Word true in a general sense, but that He often speaks to us specific words of encouragement that give us a sense of the direction that He is taking us. I thought, and she thought, and many others thought as well, that God was going to keep her going for a lot longer than He did.
So, not only was I struggling with the loss of Gretchen, but as I talked over all my heartache with Bob, I realized that I was struggling with the fact that I thought I had a pattern of understanding God's ways that kept my faith strong, and that as a result of this event, what I thought I had learned didn't match up with what appeared to have happened. Then a picture of the little sweater for Brooke popped into my mind, and as I replayed the unravelling process, realized that I have some unravelling to do in my thinking as well.
I need to clarify that I don't see this as an undoing of my faith, but instead, an undoing of thought patterns that I have developed that are my attempts to keep life's events neat and orderly and understandable. I think God is showing me that, like Job, I thought I had a lot of things figured out, and now I realize that I don't know what I think. And like Job, I think I will put my hands over my mouth and sit down and say "Once I have spoken, and I will not answer; even twice, and I will add no more."
Many of my thoughts and ideas seem to be laying on the floor like a pile of unwound yarn, but I am going to begin again, casting on new thoughts gained by new insights that I have no doubt that the Lord will give me as I seek His face and search His word. Maybe in a few years the product of my faith more nearly will match the truth from God's perspective, and not mine. One thing I know, and that is that I don't know very much at all. But I do know God, and He knows everything. And that's enough to get me back up on my feet and moving once again. (But not when I'm talking on the phone).
Number two was that since it seemed so simple, I knitted the majority of the body while watching favorite TV shows, AND chatting with my sister whom I was visiting in Florida. Have I ever mentioned that I can't even talk on the phone and walk at the same time? Totally true. If I'm taking a walk, say on the bikepath, and my phone rings and I take the call, I have to sit down beside the path because I just can't do both at the same time. Used to be able to, but no more. My feet quit moving when my mouth starts going, and vice versa. Forget multi-tasking, I can't even double task!
So-o-o-o-, I was getting very excited as I finished the main body of the sweater last night, because all that was left were the sleeves and attaching the very darling buttons that I had spent at least an hour choosing so that they would be just perfect.
Imagine my dismay, even my horror if truth be told, when putting the two fronts of the cardigan together and finding that one side was a full inch shorter than the other! Somehow, somewhere, in between NCIS, or 24, or American Idol (I know, I know, shame on me), I dropped a few stitches, or maybe even added more than I should have, and voila, total mismatch.
After sitting there for about 5 minutes paralyzed by the knowledge of what I had to do, and desperately racking my brain for another solution, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started to unravel...and unravel...and unravel. Needless to say, the sweater isn't going to be finished before her birthday this weekend. Sigh. But, within a few minutes of finishing the unravelling, I began casting on stitches once again, determined to do it right this time. Don't know when I'll get it done, don't really care. But I will get it done, and darn it, she will look absolutely darling in it when I do.
The spiritual application came to me when I least expected it. I was pouring out my heart to my dear hubby last night about my disappointment that the Lord had not only allowed my friend to die, but that in the process He had seemingly negated completely the confidence that she had in the verses from scripture that she had held onto for dear life these past few years that gave her assurance that she still had a lot of living to do. I had that same confidence, as I believed that for her, as has happened for me many times, special verses from the Bible become "rhema" to our hearts, convincing us that not only is God's Word true in a general sense, but that He often speaks to us specific words of encouragement that give us a sense of the direction that He is taking us. I thought, and she thought, and many others thought as well, that God was going to keep her going for a lot longer than He did.
So, not only was I struggling with the loss of Gretchen, but as I talked over all my heartache with Bob, I realized that I was struggling with the fact that I thought I had a pattern of understanding God's ways that kept my faith strong, and that as a result of this event, what I thought I had learned didn't match up with what appeared to have happened. Then a picture of the little sweater for Brooke popped into my mind, and as I replayed the unravelling process, realized that I have some unravelling to do in my thinking as well.
I need to clarify that I don't see this as an undoing of my faith, but instead, an undoing of thought patterns that I have developed that are my attempts to keep life's events neat and orderly and understandable. I think God is showing me that, like Job, I thought I had a lot of things figured out, and now I realize that I don't know what I think. And like Job, I think I will put my hands over my mouth and sit down and say "Once I have spoken, and I will not answer; even twice, and I will add no more."
Many of my thoughts and ideas seem to be laying on the floor like a pile of unwound yarn, but I am going to begin again, casting on new thoughts gained by new insights that I have no doubt that the Lord will give me as I seek His face and search His word. Maybe in a few years the product of my faith more nearly will match the truth from God's perspective, and not mine. One thing I know, and that is that I don't know very much at all. But I do know God, and He knows everything. And that's enough to get me back up on my feet and moving once again. (But not when I'm talking on the phone).
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
A (very glittery new) star (in heaven) is born...
I've been on vacation for a couple of weeks, and not able to update my blog. I don't think I actually would have had the heart to do it anyway, as I know I need to follow up on the last entry, and I wasn't ready to do that quite yet. I'm still not sure that I am, but I do want to say that earth is a poorer place, and heaven much richer as my dear friend Gretchen went to be with the Lord on Feb. 26th, early in the morning, held in the loving arms of her husband and just as surely by the arms of Christ. I am just having such a hard time adjusting to the fact that Gretchen is gone from our sight, but certainly not from our hearts.
I went to my bathroom right after getting home from our trip and as I went to use the hand soap and lotion, was stricken as I remembered that they were a Christmas gift from Gretchen. I was knitting a little sweater for my 2 year old granddaughter while in Naples, and when I got stuck on something, my first thought was to call Gretchen. That's what I did last year when I decided to knit an incredibly complicated dress for Brooke on vacation and got into an awful mess 1200 miles from home. Gretchen talked me through it long distance, then came over to help me undo another mess a week later when I was back home and realized that I had knit one of the sleeves inside out. I was tempted to leave it, and just consider it quirky and cute, but she eyeballed it, then me, and gently shook her head. "No, Mary, after all that work, you need to finish this right as it was meant to be." She sat down and patiently undid that tiny sleeve, redid it, and in the process taught me a trick about knitting with circular needles rather than double point that will save me hours when making something in the future.
When taking her to a chemo appointment in December, we decided to just make it an entire day of fun after the bad part was over, so we went to lunch, and then shopping all over Easton for fun Christmas "stuff". The new star for Liz and Tommy's tree came about because I told Gretchen that Connor wanted a really shiny star. I found a bunch in a basket, and picked up the first one, covered with glitter. I was excited about my find, but Gretchen called me back and said we should go through the whole batch and make sure that we had the most glittery one of all. So, after looking at every single one, she found one that she thought was better than all the others. And Connor was unknowingly blessed by Gretchen's love and caring ways, bestowed always by her on anyone who was blessed to be in her presence. She then decided that since her youngest daughter, Hannah, had thought it would be cool to have a silver Christmas tree, we should try to find one somewhere in the vicinity. "Why not?" was her response to the question of "Do you really want a silver tree???" After looking at Lowe's, we went to Target, where she made a beeline to the back of that huge store and found just one silver one that was the display tree. The clerk agreed to sell it to her, and her exact words were "Well, of course that is just what God would do....save the last tree for Hannah."
I miss you, Gretchen, and I didn't even spend that much time with you this past year, as it was so taken up with medical issues, and your not feeling well a good deal of the time from the chemo. But you were always in my heart, and few days went by where I didn't whisper a prayer for your healing and return to wellness so that you could one day enjoy those grandkids that you so desperately longed for.
I think I'm experiencing a little bit of survivor guilt, as in "why you, instead of me?" I had such high, high hopes that somehow your doctors would be able to continue to find ways to keep you one step ahead of the monster that was breathing down your neck. I was so, so disappointed when God didn't answer all of our prayers for your healing, but took you home instead. I know that's God's territory, and that I don't get to make the decisions, but darn it, I really believed that God was going to keep you here for a lot longer. I'm not angry with Him, as I trust so much in His love and His indescribable mercy. But I am very, very disappointed, and that's a huge understatement.
Just like the "glitteriest" star for Connor's tree, for sure Gretchen is one of the "glitteriest" new additions to the heavens. Would you put your arms around her right now, Jesus, and just whisper in her ear that I wasn't ready for her to go, I really wanted to say goodbye, that I'm a little jealous of the peace and joy that she now is experiencing, and that I need help with this new little sweater for Brooke? Oh, and tell her how much I miss her, love her, and can't wait to see her again. I'm not in a big hurry to get there just yet, but at the same time what a wonderful day that is going to be! I hope she is one of the very first familiar faces that I see when enter God's kingdom, and that she has knitted me a beautiful white robe for the occasion! Now that makes me smile. And that reminds me of something that she said to me after I had experienced a very dark time in my life. "You think you won't smile again, but I promise that you will". And I did, and I do, and I will continue to, thanks to God's grace and the wise words of a beautiful woman and friend.
I went to my bathroom right after getting home from our trip and as I went to use the hand soap and lotion, was stricken as I remembered that they were a Christmas gift from Gretchen. I was knitting a little sweater for my 2 year old granddaughter while in Naples, and when I got stuck on something, my first thought was to call Gretchen. That's what I did last year when I decided to knit an incredibly complicated dress for Brooke on vacation and got into an awful mess 1200 miles from home. Gretchen talked me through it long distance, then came over to help me undo another mess a week later when I was back home and realized that I had knit one of the sleeves inside out. I was tempted to leave it, and just consider it quirky and cute, but she eyeballed it, then me, and gently shook her head. "No, Mary, after all that work, you need to finish this right as it was meant to be." She sat down and patiently undid that tiny sleeve, redid it, and in the process taught me a trick about knitting with circular needles rather than double point that will save me hours when making something in the future.
When taking her to a chemo appointment in December, we decided to just make it an entire day of fun after the bad part was over, so we went to lunch, and then shopping all over Easton for fun Christmas "stuff". The new star for Liz and Tommy's tree came about because I told Gretchen that Connor wanted a really shiny star. I found a bunch in a basket, and picked up the first one, covered with glitter. I was excited about my find, but Gretchen called me back and said we should go through the whole batch and make sure that we had the most glittery one of all. So, after looking at every single one, she found one that she thought was better than all the others. And Connor was unknowingly blessed by Gretchen's love and caring ways, bestowed always by her on anyone who was blessed to be in her presence. She then decided that since her youngest daughter, Hannah, had thought it would be cool to have a silver Christmas tree, we should try to find one somewhere in the vicinity. "Why not?" was her response to the question of "Do you really want a silver tree???" After looking at Lowe's, we went to Target, where she made a beeline to the back of that huge store and found just one silver one that was the display tree. The clerk agreed to sell it to her, and her exact words were "Well, of course that is just what God would do....save the last tree for Hannah."
I miss you, Gretchen, and I didn't even spend that much time with you this past year, as it was so taken up with medical issues, and your not feeling well a good deal of the time from the chemo. But you were always in my heart, and few days went by where I didn't whisper a prayer for your healing and return to wellness so that you could one day enjoy those grandkids that you so desperately longed for.
I think I'm experiencing a little bit of survivor guilt, as in "why you, instead of me?" I had such high, high hopes that somehow your doctors would be able to continue to find ways to keep you one step ahead of the monster that was breathing down your neck. I was so, so disappointed when God didn't answer all of our prayers for your healing, but took you home instead. I know that's God's territory, and that I don't get to make the decisions, but darn it, I really believed that God was going to keep you here for a lot longer. I'm not angry with Him, as I trust so much in His love and His indescribable mercy. But I am very, very disappointed, and that's a huge understatement.
Just like the "glitteriest" star for Connor's tree, for sure Gretchen is one of the "glitteriest" new additions to the heavens. Would you put your arms around her right now, Jesus, and just whisper in her ear that I wasn't ready for her to go, I really wanted to say goodbye, that I'm a little jealous of the peace and joy that she now is experiencing, and that I need help with this new little sweater for Brooke? Oh, and tell her how much I miss her, love her, and can't wait to see her again. I'm not in a big hurry to get there just yet, but at the same time what a wonderful day that is going to be! I hope she is one of the very first familiar faces that I see when enter God's kingdom, and that she has knitted me a beautiful white robe for the occasion! Now that makes me smile. And that reminds me of something that she said to me after I had experienced a very dark time in my life. "You think you won't smile again, but I promise that you will". And I did, and I do, and I will continue to, thanks to God's grace and the wise words of a beautiful woman and friend.
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